Beefs — August 19, 2013 at 8:00 am

Al Jourgensen chronicles ‘Caddyshack’-like campaign against ‘thug gang’ of raccoons

Al Jourgensen

Photo via Alien Jourgensen Facebook page

On Friday, Ministry debuted the music video for new single “PermaWar,” and while bandleader Al Jourgensen gave the clip a cursory plug on his recently launched Facebook page, he was preoccupied with something far more pressing: a “Caddyshack”-like battle against the “thug gang of asshole raccoons” that overtook his El Paso, Texas, compound.

Thankfully for us, Jourgensen chronicled his campaign against the varmints on his aforementioned Facebook page, offering a blow-by-blow account of his decision to deploy first a cayenne-pepper “bomb” and then unleash dry ice, mothballs and black pepper in an attempt to smoke the raccoons out (he did note, right up front, that, “I don’t want to poison or shoot them I just want them the fuck off my property”).

Perhaps most amusing were his repeated digs at The Cure’s frontman Robert Smith, first writing of raccoons, “They are just over glorified fat rats with eyeliner (hmmmm, kinda sounds like Robert smith of the Cure to me)” in his first update on the growing crisis last Wednesday.

Then, after declaring Saturday that the “cayenne attack” he’d unleashed on Friday had worked, Jourgensen concluded: “If they don’t come back again today I’ll buy some sort of hazmat suit and pick up their droppings. I wonder if Roberts smiths tour mgr. has to do this.”

Read the full account of how Uncle Al spent his weekend below:

 

 

PREVIOUSLY ON SLICING UP EYEBALLS

 

 

18 Comments

  1. that’s some funny shit right there

  2. At least Fat Bob never sang with a fake accent, Al… you’ve got to work for love! ;-)

  3. What an idiot.

  4. With Sympathy

    Everyday is Halloween at Al’s… Woah…here we go (we
    gotta go we gotta go) torment some raccoons This ones for the
    raccoons!

  5. its amazing what drugs can make you see and do.

  6. Richard Rider

    Fact of the matter is, those raccoons are likely smarter than Mr. Jourgensen, and far more resourceful.

  7. I would love to see the twitter account of the raccoons in all this. Probably much of the same complaints.

  8. hahaha this is amazing, going to follow/sub/whatever the hell it is one does to others on fb.

  9. “weird creepy loud as fuck noises” Sounds like a Ministry record. The raccoons should have gotten a giant magnet and used it to pull his pierced up face off. The guy is drug addled moron.

  10. Does anyone else think that picture looks like David Cross impersonating Al J?

  11. Forget the 27 Club–how about the 27×2 Club! Not dead, but definitely in the line of danger. Whether it’s a bowl of penne taking out the Moz or a gang of raccoons trying to destroy Al and his compound, 54 seems to be the age of living dangerously.

    Wonder if fellow 54-year-old Robert Smith will retaliate after Al’s unnecessary jabs. I say round up the rest of the Cure gang, dust off those “Why Can’t I Be You?” outfits, join forces with the coons, and attack at dawn!!!

  12. William Nothing

    If a man wants to beat his own animals that’s his business

  13. Sounds like a new reality show in the making…

  14. I do want to say that I sympathize with Al here. We have a raccoon problem in our neighborhood and they are a very nasty nuisance. Google “raccoon latrine” if you want to understand just one of the problems. They also kill the neighborhood cats and chickens, and will attack humans if cornered. Our neighbor is a nurse at the local clinic and has seen a rash of raccoon bites lately, and they send the victims straight to the ER because the wounds are so vicious and pose a good chance of rabies.

    And as to “weird creepy loud as fuck noises”: that’s true too! I’ve had to go out in the back yard with a flashlight when it sounded like something was being flayed alive. The shrieking and hissing was straight out of hell, I’m telling you! Fortunately they were only fighting each other, for whatever reason.

    I resorted to hiring a live trapper after raccoons kept getting in through our cat door to look for food. The final straw was when I came home to find one in the middle of the kitchen, eating a loaf of bread. (Seriously.) So I applaud Al for seeking a humane solution, as that is the mark of a gentle soul — although in this world, sadly, gentleness usually comes with a price.

  15. PermaWar was funnier…

  16. what if the cure joined up with al and formed a racoon sex club. I remember al saying his pal fkd an ostrich on acid. I think it was al but hey. and how did they give the ostich acid? and robie sure likes those love cats

  17. Bick: Haha, gave the ostrich acid?? It slept and had it´s head to the ground, Al and his Roadie(who fucked it after a bet with Uncle Al..) WERE however on Acid ;-)

    Al Jourgensens Facebookpage is the funniest shit EVER on Facebook and I´m willing to bet my life that NO famous person are as honest and uncensored about EVERYTHING as Uncle Al.. A Rebel ´til the End of Days..

    All of you who diss Al because of his Political views: Fuck off! A guy can be both smart and fun AND still not be of the same Political view as yourself but obviously you couldn´t take the punishment he gives the Right Wing America on his records..

    As for Al being stupid and so on: He has wasted more money than your entire Family will make in a lifetime on Drugs and Alcohol BUT STILL has the wits and brains to have made just as much money once more AFTER getting clean from drugs..

    Come back calling him stupid when YOU have made more than $20million..

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